The Gift Of Accepting Who You Are (2/6 Days of Christmas Gifts)

This Christmas season I want to help give you gifts (that you must choose to receive!) to help make you a less weary mom.

Today’s is this… I want to offer you a free gift that could change your life…

The real true, real knowledge that your kids can be who they are, if you are who you are.

It’s okay to be who and how you are.

I’m not saying keep character flaws or morally bad behaviors.

But guess what?

The absolute vast majority of mothers I work with are good women… who just wish they were like other women. They do amazing jobs, and nitpick the few things they don’t do well.

They’re loving their kids the absolute best they can, and browbeat themselves for one mistake.

They simply haven’t accepted they cannot be perfect.

Let these stats be a balm to your soul.

• A survey of families revealed that 82% of children mimic their parents’ attitudes toward themselves, whether positive or negative. Parents who demonstrate acceptance of their own flaws are more likely to have children who view mistakes as opportunities rather than failures.(Source: Child Development, 2017)

• Parents who openly embrace and express their authentic selves foster environments where children feel safe to do the same. 90% of children in such households report feeling more confident in their individuality. (Source: Journal of Adolescent Research, 2020)

• Parents who verbalize positive self-talk around their children are 25% more likely to raise kids with strong self-acceptance and lower rates of self-criticism. (Source: Parenting: Science and Practice, 2021)

It’s easy to compare yourself to others and feel you don’t measure up

We know social media is highlight reels. We understand that those with a “perfect” life have problems too.

We may even have accepted the 1st gift of Christmas -> knowing that being good enough truly is good enough.

But one thing that often comes up is we aim to self-improve or increase our skills by:

• telling ourselves we are bad
• not good enough
• worse than other moms

Your personality, temperaments, likes, and dislikes are what make you… you.

Sure, you may wish you were more organized. Or that it was easier to be on time. Those may be some things you struggle with. And you don’t have to LIKE being late.

But you can also love the person God made you to be.

Your ability to be flexible, to feel peace even in a mess, etc. Stop gathering constant proof you’re bad how you are. Start gathering proof you’re doing a good enough job.

Children value love and presence over perfection

Research from Psychology Today shows that children benefit most from feeling loved and accepted rather than witnessing their parents strive for unrealistic perfection.

Acts like showing genuine interest in what they’re doing, listening to them without criticism, and keeping your word help a child’s sense of security and belonging​.

Far more than being perfect.

Self-acceptance reduces burnout and makes you happier

Accepting yourself, your struggles, mistakes, and even your dreams and hopes can make you more peaceful.

Sure, you aren’t perfect. But guess what, you’re not that unique! Your cocktail of difficulties is very similar to millions of other moms. You can be honest about who you are and it goes better for you.

• healthier friendships
• healthier children
• healthier outlook on life

How to accept yourself

Again, I’m not saying accept some awful behavior you do that you hate. But you can accept there’s a reason WHY you’re doing it. You can accept you need help. You can accept you can’t do it alone.

You can give yourself compassion. And from that place, you are able to tackle genuine issues you’re facing.

• Focus on your strengths: Write down what makes you a great mom. In Language of Listening® we focus on seeing strengths in our children. You can apply this to yourself.
• Limit comparisons: Stop following those who make you feel bad, develop some mental discipline and stop going down thought rabbit trails where you’re cataloging your imperfections, and just don’t hang out with people who make you feel awful.
• Practice gratitude: Truly tap into the things you’re thankful for.
• Lean on support: Surround yourself with people who value the real you. Get real friends. Know how to do that? BE real.