Do you feel like you have to go to church every.single.Sunday? Or on the other hand, do you never want to go?
It’s Sunday morning.
The pipes have a leak.
The car has broken down.
#3 has diarrhea.
#4 couldn’t let #3 have all the bathroom attention.
You haven’t slept in 3 nights and next week you’re moving house, but…
By golly… you will not miss church.
……………
It’s Sunday morning.
There’s nothing on the agenda.
You’ve read your Bible this week.
Life is going great and it’s a beautiful day.
Since this is the day the Lord has made let’s fully enjoy it at the park.
God is everywhere, not in a building.
You’re not bound by the law… Jesus came to set you free.
…..
You see, there are a few ways to think about it.
Clearly those who just go to church on Easter and Christmas aren’t really bothered. They go for tradition, to see some cute kids in the church play, or to make sure and hit the calendar highlights of the Christian religion. However, there are those who feel compelled from within to go to church every single Sunday. They never miss. Sickness, health, vacation or life trauma. They are there without fail.
On the opposite end there are those who believe in Jesus Christ yet do not prioritize Sunday morning church. They don’t think church means a building (technically it doesn’t), they think they can maintain an active relationship with Jesus Christ without regular fellowship, and they don’t feel constrained to attend because of legalism.
So who’s right? Well… it’s hard to say. But instead of looking for answers, let’s ask ourselves some questions.
Is there a mansion in heaven for perfect attendance?
Diligence, perseverance, and consistency are surely virtues. But does going to church every single Sunday without fail make you more spiritual? Does foregoing home groups and bible study for a season mean you are backsliding in your faith? Clearly many people think so or this wouldn’t be controversial. But I want to say that I don’t believe perfect attendance is the goal. “Perfect attendance” does not take into account seasons or circumstances. If you feel compelled to attend every single Sunday without fail then you should ask yourself…
Is it false guilt?
False guilt has nothing to do with what’s true or accurate, but is usually the fear of disapproval in disguise. This is particularly prevalent among Christians who take matters of the heart and conscience seriously and tend to find reasons to feel guilty when there are none (source). If you are worried others will think you’re a slacker or God will take your name from the book of life because you skipped church for a few Sundays, this is false guilt.
Where is it coming from? When did it start? Is missing one Sunday (or even one Sunday a month) a sin? What is the biblical basis for that and how can it be quantified? If you are going to a Bible Study, prayer group, Sunday morning and Sunday night service, which ones can you skip (or not skip) and not be sinning? It’s a big rabbit hole of guilt, but not the healthy kind.
Is church about me?
Sure we shouldn’t go to church because we feel falsely guilty, but we also shouldn’t determine whether or not we want to consistently go to church based on our own feelings. Why? Well, it’s as they say… feelings make excellent servants, but terrible masters. There is one thing people say (and I’ve been guilty of it myself) that really gets on my nerves. We use it to explain why we don’t want to go, didn’t go, or don’t like a church.
“I don’t get anything out of it.”
As I think about the times I’ve said this (which have been many) I feel a bit shameful. Of course we don’t need to stay in a church that has false teaching, where spiritual abuse abounds, or that’s dead as a doornail. God gave us brains. And yet… we don’t go to church to “get something” out of it. We go to church to “give something” to God. Our worship. A helping hand or encouragement to our brothers and sisters. To hear the Scripture broken down and discussed so we can put it into practice in our lives to glorify Christ. Not to get some type of good feeling that lingers until approximately Monday morning when we want to bite off everyone’s head and spend the day alone in the basement with Netflix.
Is there a duty to legalism?
You don’t have a duty to your pastor to attend. You don’t have a duty to legalism to be sure that you never miss a Sunday, no matter if your children are ill or an urgent matter needs your attention. You don’t owe taskmasters or control freaks in your church an explanation as to why you missed two Sundays last month.
But, instead of justifying why you don’t have to go to church because who are they to judge… ask yourself this question.
“Why don’t I want to go to church?“
Because if we consistently don’t want to go to church there’s something there. It might be sin (ours or someone else’s). It might be misplaced priorities. It might be we don’t feel comfortable or safe in our church. Or it might just be laziness because we got out of the habit.
Here are 3 reasons we shouldn’t go to church every week:
- You feel like something bad will happen if you don’t.
- You worry others will disapprove.
- You have church members or leadership who take attendance.
Here are 3 reasons we should go to church every week:
- You enjoy worshiping God.
- You feel compelled to encourage and serve your church family.
- You want to hear teaching that convicts and inspires you.
“I know a man who brought his children to church every week even when they were ill. He would wake them from their deep slumber, the very medicine they needed to receive healing, and bring them to church with a fever, runny nose and tears. That man was me.” (source)
Let’s stop being legalistic. Let’s stop using freedom as license. And let’s not determine our attendance based on what we “get out of” following God because, I hate to break it to you (and myself), what Jesus got out of following God’s will was death on a cross.
On second thought, Sunday brunch is looking pretty good right now…
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This is really encouraging for me right now. My husband and I own our own business and are thankful that things are busy, but we’ve missed more church than I’d like and I think I’ve been feeling oppressed by a lot of false guilt and I hush my husband if he mentions to people that we missed (which is so silly!). I want to find freedom from the legalism of going to church to say we went, but find joy in meeting with God’s people. I love the pieces you pull out here and it’s really helpful for me in thinking through all of this.
Thank you, Caris, and that’s exactly what I hoped it would do. Spark some questions that we can prayerfully think thorugh. Of course there’s no “Right” answer and I’ve been on both spectrums at different times!
The title of this article actually intrigued me.. I wanted to know why someone would give advice on reasons for going and not going. Growing up I remember as a teenager loosing a lot of my friends and quite a few the friends I lost went to church with which made wanting to goto church hard. When this happened my mother taught we didn’t go to church for friends or the social aspect of it, we went to learn more of Christ and our Heavenly Father and to show them respect and that we loved them.. I feel there are specific times you don’t goto church and those reasons are different for everyone and what they feel when prayerfully seeking God’s guidance they will be given that knowledge, but one I feel is when you’re sick and can pass it to others you don’t go. I’ve also found on the days I really haven’t wanted to go and took my family anyways that I needed to be there because the message that is shared seems as though my Heavenly Father knew I would need it that day and I feel like satan didn’t want me there to hear the message that day because he wants to discredit God’s love for me and then make me feel guilty for not going. Satan knows our hearts, minds, and what’s going to get everyone. When I am unable to go, which has happened a lot to me since having children, but instead of feeling guilty I usually try and take some extra time out of my day to read my scriptures or talks from my church leaders because church is what helps fuel my spirit and being spiritually drained is when I find it the hardest to want to attend church because I don’t feel good enough or want to make the effort..
Loved reading the article though and seeing insite on others opinions for going or not going, everyone has their own reasons and some peoples might be right for them and not for you or right for you but not them. Thankyou for sharing!
DeAnn, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, experience, and opinion because it made the article richer. I agree with so much of what you said. We must have pure heards toward Christ and still good sense, right? I have had times I wanted to stay at home and went and KNEW it was the exact message for me too. It makes it easier to go when I am feeling lazy. :)
Bravo!
Thank you for posting this. Reading it made me burst into tears. I am a Believer but my husband is not, and I always have a sense of as you say ‘false guilt’ hanging over me. When I do take my children to church I love hearing the teaching and I love that they are in Sunday School learning more about Jesus, but I secretly fear people are judging me because I don’t attend every single week. And when I’m at church and the kids say they miss daddy and want to be home with him, then I feel guilty for keeping them away from their earthly dad. I need to recognise this false guilt for what it is and stop feeling so torn all the time – I go to church because I love the Father and want to hear his word taught to my kids and myself, and when I do stay at home so we can have family time that is ok too. Thank you for clarifying some of these issues for me Rachel.
Dana, I am so so thankful you felt encouraged by this post. I so wanted women to feel more freedom in this area. You are in a tough spot, and I pray God meets you and your children there!
I am in the unequal yoke of marraige to a non beleiver x however he is open to church attendance sometimes x I am so busy ATM with other things in life with the kids my uni course and placements and sone Sundays I just want to be home being lazy or as a family x it’s hard x I CO stantly feel guilty for not going and waiting for a judgement off my pastor although he’s incredibly understanding and just cares about my spiritual life! X it’s hard sometimes living for Jesus Christ and it’s nice to read your article as it helps me in times of false guilt to read what other Christians do and take encouragement that thanks to the gift of salvation my name will never be crossed out as long as I keep on keeping on looking to Him that loves me so x
Yes, girl, keep looking to find strength in Him. Some seasons of life are different than others and God can help you and meet you right where you are!
O man, I go to a church like this . We lost our son back in August. My husband and I both struggled with depression over it never loosing our faith in God. But because we missed a week here and there, my pastor’s wife told me she had thought I was spiritually dead. For missing a week here and there. 😠 I’m In my heart I’m starting to rebel against this church. Not God. I feel the legalism there. And it makes me sick.
That comment repulses me, Jenni. To be “spiritually dead” for missing church for a week or two WHILE YOU ARE GRIEVING is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I do not think you are “rebelling” friend, I think you are feeling righteous indignation at legalism that strangles and kills God’s people. Even Jesus hated that!
The Sabbath was made for man, not God. Look those words up and you will see
It is obviously sad that many people would think the church is a bulding when it’s not. Apparently I don’t even like anything church here regarding the weekly activities of the churches that has not and has never contributed anything to my immediate society. The so called pastors are after your money and nothing more. church should av been a nonprofit organisations but the opposite is true as the poor thousands souls now feed the pastors while Jesus fed poor thousands. I hate churches but I’m a Christian
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I agree with you. Church is not a building. I worship the Lord everyday. I don’t wait until Sunday. I go to Church, but do miss once in awhile.
Blessings
From your comment you said ” church is not a building” and then you say church is not necessary..im confused..
I am having problems with this. When I go to church, I don’t like the way people judge and I don’t like the way they act like they never do anything wrong. Another thing I don’t like is how they look at you when you aren’t wearing something nice. We do the best we can and I believe in God. The sad thing is that I don’t feel comfortable at church. I have tried several churches in the big city where I live. It is unlike the small town church I went to as a child. Personally, I feel closer to God, staying home and reading my Bible and praying in private to God. I truly feel that he is with me more during that time. That may be sad, but it is true. I am sorry, but that is my honest opinion. I keep my mini van radio on K-LOV and I am touched each day and love singing along to the songs. As long as God is in my life, I feel that is all my family needs. I am not stopping my children from going to church and they do sometimes, but we do believe in God, read the Bible and pray.
Vickie, I think it’s so so so so so so sad that you (and tons of others) can’t find a church to go to where they feel comfortable and not judged. That is a sad statement, but regardless I’m happy you are able to feel comfort, encouragement, and God’s presence with you int he van at home or anywhere else.