Do you feel like you have to go to church every.single.Sunday? Or on the other hand, do you never want to go?
It’s Sunday morning.
The pipes have a leak.
The car has broken down.
#3 has diarrhea.
#4 couldn’t let #3 have all the bathroom attention.
You haven’t slept in 3 nights and next week you’re moving house, but…
By golly… you will not miss church.
……………
It’s Sunday morning.
There’s nothing on the agenda.
You’ve read your Bible this week.
Life is going great and it’s a beautiful day.
Since this is the day the Lord has made let’s fully enjoy it at the park.
God is everywhere, not in a building.
You’re not bound by the law… Jesus came to set you free.
…..
You see, there are a few ways to think about it.
Clearly those who just go to church on Easter and Christmas aren’t really bothered. They go for tradition, to see some cute kids in the church play, or to make sure and hit the calendar highlights of the Christian religion. However, there are those who feel compelled from within to go to church every single Sunday. They never miss. Sickness, health, vacation or life trauma. They are there without fail.
On the opposite end there are those who believe in Jesus Christ yet do not prioritize Sunday morning church. They don’t think church means a building (technically it doesn’t), they think they can maintain an active relationship with Jesus Christ without regular fellowship, and they don’t feel constrained to attend because of legalism.
So who’s right? Well… it’s hard to say. But instead of looking for answers, let’s ask ourselves some questions.
Is there a mansion in heaven for perfect attendance?
Diligence, perseverance, and consistency are surely virtues. But does going to church every single Sunday without fail make you more spiritual? Does foregoing home groups and bible study for a season mean you are backsliding in your faith? Clearly many people think so or this wouldn’t be controversial. But I want to say that I don’t believe perfect attendance is the goal. “Perfect attendance” does not take into account seasons or circumstances. If you feel compelled to attend every single Sunday without fail then you should ask yourself…
Is it false guilt?
False guilt has nothing to do with what’s true or accurate, but is usually the fear of disapproval in disguise. This is particularly prevalent among Christians who take matters of the heart and conscience seriously and tend to find reasons to feel guilty when there are none (source). If you are worried others will think you’re a slacker or God will take your name from the book of life because you skipped church for a few Sundays, this is false guilt.
Where is it coming from? When did it start? Is missing one Sunday (or even one Sunday a month) a sin? What is the biblical basis for that and how can it be quantified? If you are going to a Bible Study, prayer group, Sunday morning and Sunday night service, which ones can you skip (or not skip) and not be sinning? It’s a big rabbit hole of guilt, but not the healthy kind.
Is church about me?
Sure we shouldn’t go to church because we feel falsely guilty, but we also shouldn’t determine whether or not we want to consistently go to church based on our own feelings. Why? Well, it’s as they say… feelings make excellent servants, but terrible masters. There is one thing people say (and I’ve been guilty of it myself) that really gets on my nerves. We use it to explain why we don’t want to go, didn’t go, or don’t like a church.
“I don’t get anything out of it.”
As I think about the times I’ve said this (which have been many) I feel a bit shameful. Of course we don’t need to stay in a church that has false teaching, where spiritual abuse abounds, or that’s dead as a doornail. God gave us brains. And yet… we don’t go to church to “get something” out of it. We go to church to “give something” to God. Our worship. A helping hand or encouragement to our brothers and sisters. To hear the Scripture broken down and discussed so we can put it into practice in our lives to glorify Christ. Not to get some type of good feeling that lingers until approximately Monday morning when we want to bite off everyone’s head and spend the day alone in the basement with Netflix.
Is there a duty to legalism?
You don’t have a duty to your pastor to attend. You don’t have a duty to legalism to be sure that you never miss a Sunday, no matter if your children are ill or an urgent matter needs your attention. You don’t owe taskmasters or control freaks in your church an explanation as to why you missed two Sundays last month.
But, instead of justifying why you don’t have to go to church because who are they to judge… ask yourself this question.
“Why don’t I want to go to church?“
Because if we consistently don’t want to go to church there’s something there. It might be sin (ours or someone else’s). It might be misplaced priorities. It might be we don’t feel comfortable or safe in our church. Or it might just be laziness because we got out of the habit.
Here are 3 reasons we shouldn’t go to church every week:
- You feel like something bad will happen if you don’t.
- You worry others will disapprove.
- You have church members or leadership who take attendance.
Here are 3 reasons we should go to church every week:
- You enjoy worshiping God.
- You feel compelled to encourage and serve your church family.
- You want to hear teaching that convicts and inspires you.
“I know a man who brought his children to church every week even when they were ill. He would wake them from their deep slumber, the very medicine they needed to receive healing, and bring them to church with a fever, runny nose and tears. That man was me.” (source)
Let’s stop being legalistic. Let’s stop using freedom as license. And let’s not determine our attendance based on what we “get out of” following God because, I hate to break it to you (and myself), what Jesus got out of following God’s will was death on a cross.
On second thought, Sunday brunch is looking pretty good right now…
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Caris Li says
This is really encouraging for me right now. My husband and I own our own business and are thankful that things are busy, but we’ve missed more church than I’d like and I think I’ve been feeling oppressed by a lot of false guilt and I hush my husband if he mentions to people that we missed (which is so silly!). I want to find freedom from the legalism of going to church to say we went, but find joy in meeting with God’s people. I love the pieces you pull out here and it’s really helpful for me in thinking through all of this.
Rachel Norman says
Thank you, Caris, and that’s exactly what I hoped it would do. Spark some questions that we can prayerfully think thorugh. Of course there’s no “Right” answer and I’ve been on both spectrums at different times!
TEabag says
I’d like to join in on this discussion actually I have got a lot to say. Firstly I went to a Christmas carol service at my local supposedly all inclusive affirming pc parish only to find they wouldn’t let me in the church building despite knocking on the door. It’s like this it’s dependent on many factors the type of people i.e. Attenders, age range, how your parish intergrates with political correctness to the minority groups. Etc. It’s like this since this I think it’s sad that faith is on the decline in society I really do. It’s like this the view is the subject of minority communities with faith groups as being important. All inclusive means include all or don’t bother. With going to a faith group you can join in with hymn singing which is nice. It’s like this – sadly regular attendee members are the issue. People don’t turn up. To make a congregation. To make a service.
DeAnn says
The title of this article actually intrigued me.. I wanted to know why someone would give advice on reasons for going and not going. Growing up I remember as a teenager loosing a lot of my friends and quite a few the friends I lost went to church with which made wanting to goto church hard. When this happened my mother taught we didn’t go to church for friends or the social aspect of it, we went to learn more of Christ and our Heavenly Father and to show them respect and that we loved them.. I feel there are specific times you don’t goto church and those reasons are different for everyone and what they feel when prayerfully seeking God’s guidance they will be given that knowledge, but one I feel is when you’re sick and can pass it to others you don’t go. I’ve also found on the days I really haven’t wanted to go and took my family anyways that I needed to be there because the message that is shared seems as though my Heavenly Father knew I would need it that day and I feel like satan didn’t want me there to hear the message that day because he wants to discredit God’s love for me and then make me feel guilty for not going. Satan knows our hearts, minds, and what’s going to get everyone. When I am unable to go, which has happened a lot to me since having children, but instead of feeling guilty I usually try and take some extra time out of my day to read my scriptures or talks from my church leaders because church is what helps fuel my spirit and being spiritually drained is when I find it the hardest to want to attend church because I don’t feel good enough or want to make the effort..
Loved reading the article though and seeing insite on others opinions for going or not going, everyone has their own reasons and some peoples might be right for them and not for you or right for you but not them. Thankyou for sharing!
Rachel Norman says
DeAnn, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, experience, and opinion because it made the article richer. I agree with so much of what you said. We must have pure heards toward Christ and still good sense, right? I have had times I wanted to stay at home and went and KNEW it was the exact message for me too. It makes it easier to go when I am feeling lazy. :)
Alana says
Bravo!
TwinLove says
Yes!!
Dana says
Thank you for posting this. Reading it made me burst into tears. I am a Believer but my husband is not, and I always have a sense of as you say ‘false guilt’ hanging over me. When I do take my children to church I love hearing the teaching and I love that they are in Sunday School learning more about Jesus, but I secretly fear people are judging me because I don’t attend every single week. And when I’m at church and the kids say they miss daddy and want to be home with him, then I feel guilty for keeping them away from their earthly dad. I need to recognise this false guilt for what it is and stop feeling so torn all the time – I go to church because I love the Father and want to hear his word taught to my kids and myself, and when I do stay at home so we can have family time that is ok too. Thank you for clarifying some of these issues for me Rachel.
Rachel Norman says
Dana, I am so so thankful you felt encouraged by this post. I so wanted women to feel more freedom in this area. You are in a tough spot, and I pray God meets you and your children there!
Ellijones123@gmail says
I am in the unequal yoke of marraige to a non beleiver x however he is open to church attendance sometimes x I am so busy ATM with other things in life with the kids my uni course and placements and sone Sundays I just want to be home being lazy or as a family x it’s hard x I CO stantly feel guilty for not going and waiting for a judgement off my pastor although he’s incredibly understanding and just cares about my spiritual life! X it’s hard sometimes living for Jesus Christ and it’s nice to read your article as it helps me in times of false guilt to read what other Christians do and take encouragement that thanks to the gift of salvation my name will never be crossed out as long as I keep on keeping on looking to Him that loves me so x
Rachel Norman says
Yes, girl, keep looking to find strength in Him. Some seasons of life are different than others and God can help you and meet you right where you are!
Judy says
I love the Lord my God with all my
Heart and soul. My husband says he
Is saved but has never once lived his
Life for Christ and yes I,be tried taking
Him to different churches but I always
End up disappointed and discouraged
However I still keep the faith, keep
Reading the word and try to explain
It to my husband but he just doesn’t
Seem to get it, Is it me? Is something
Wrong with me? I committed adultry
Years ago and like King David our
Marriage has never recovered and
Never will no matter what any preacher or teacher may say, I know
This fact from God’s authority and his
Wisdom. I am constantly on my knees
And in the word too. I know Jesus is
Coming back soon and I want to be
Ready and for my husband to. Be
Ready also. So therefore I will keep
On keeping on in the faith and live
My life for Christ the best way I can
But it’s hard so very very very hard.
Judy
Jenni says
O man, I go to a church like this . We lost our son back in August. My husband and I both struggled with depression over it never loosing our faith in God. But because we missed a week here and there, my pastor’s wife told me she had thought I was spiritually dead. For missing a week here and there. 😠 I’m In my heart I’m starting to rebel against this church. Not God. I feel the legalism there. And it makes me sick.
Rachel Norman says
That comment repulses me, Jenni. To be “spiritually dead” for missing church for a week or two WHILE YOU ARE GRIEVING is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I do not think you are “rebelling” friend, I think you are feeling righteous indignation at legalism that strangles and kills God’s people. Even Jesus hated that!
Stephanie Cooper says
I have to ask. Did anyone in the Church reach out to you after your son’s death, especially during your most depressed moments? I most certainly hope so. I am so sorry. That lady had no right to judge your walk with God. Especially while you were grieving.
Sarah Ferguson says
Just read this I’m so sorry someone made you feel that way when what you needed was support care and understanding I pray the Holy Spirit will comfort you and guide you in wisdom always I do feel angry when I hear such things they are so dangerous to believers who are grieving or going through a tough time … Gods love is not dependent on you going to church before we were saved he died for us and loved us xxxx
Chandra says
Hi, I attend church every Sunday, wednesday night bible study and every other church fuction there is. I attend a very small church and I am on a lot of boards. I usher, kitchen committe, and teach Sunday school. IF I’m not there to do my part no one else will volunteer which makes me feel guilty missing church. PLUs my First Lady act as if you are a sinner if u don’t show up.
Sheila says
Your pastor’s wife needs her head examined. A previous pastor friend of mine gave a talk on grief and loss and it was the one talk that produced that most feedback. Grief, loss, depression and more – these are the real issues of life that many churches do not know how to address properly. There is nothing worse that being chastised when you are struggling. I deal regularly with depression and even after disclosing in a group, the leader continued to refer to people with mental health issues as “those people” as if we were not present in the group. Then someone prayed for me even though I had not stated that I was having any current struggle. Sure, that was nice but it also singled me out as someone should be prayed for. It is no wonder people do not disclose their lives to others in the church when they meet such lack of acceptance. Regardless, I suggest you acknowledge her ignorance, find a way to forgive her and do what you need to grieve and recover.
Rachel Norman says
It’s so sad, Sheila, and I agree with you that it’s something the church struggles to handle. LIke probably half the people at any given meeting are anxious or depressed or more and so to act like it’s a random action of people is silly at best and damaging at worst!
Johnny says
The Sabbath was made for man, not God. Look those words up and you will see
Javaprince says
It is obviously sad that many people would think the church is a bulding when it’s not. Apparently I don’t even like anything church here regarding the weekly activities of the churches that has not and has never contributed anything to my immediate society. The so called pastors are after your money and nothing more. church should av been a nonprofit organisations but the opposite is true as the poor thousands souls now feed the pastors while Jesus fed poor thousands. I hate churches but I’m a Christian
http//www.javaprince.com
Jennie says
I agree with you. Church is not a building. I worship the Lord everyday. I don’t wait until Sunday. I go to Church, but do miss once in awhile.
Blessings
Joseph says
From your comment you said ” church is not a building” and then you say church is not necessary..im confused..
Vickie Johnson says
I am having problems with this. When I go to church, I don’t like the way people judge and I don’t like the way they act like they never do anything wrong. Another thing I don’t like is how they look at you when you aren’t wearing something nice. We do the best we can and I believe in God. The sad thing is that I don’t feel comfortable at church. I have tried several churches in the big city where I live. It is unlike the small town church I went to as a child. Personally, I feel closer to God, staying home and reading my Bible and praying in private to God. I truly feel that he is with me more during that time. That may be sad, but it is true. I am sorry, but that is my honest opinion. I keep my mini van radio on K-LOV and I am touched each day and love singing along to the songs. As long as God is in my life, I feel that is all my family needs. I am not stopping my children from going to church and they do sometimes, but we do believe in God, read the Bible and pray.
Rachel Norman says
Vickie, I think it’s so so so so so so sad that you (and tons of others) can’t find a church to go to where they feel comfortable and not judged. That is a sad statement, but regardless I’m happy you are able to feel comfort, encouragement, and God’s presence with you int he van at home or anywhere else.
Angel says
i also feel bad when i see people going church everyday and they are still discouraging others,judging…that make me fill like no need to go church…
Joseph says
But the question is which church to go?…In India every church we have here is Business…Every pastor is asking money to build buildings etc..preaching is all about money, tithing etc..Even if i go to some churches i feel like its a total waste of time….Earlier i used to contribute to a small time pastor to build a church but he cheated all my money and he was dead(wrath of god)…
When i received God I went to church to know about him, but i actually learned about god thru bible stories and in prayers…But now it became an obligation…
There is a CPM church in my place who never ask money explicitly…their service is very lengthy and they also proclaim they are the holy ones and other churches are not…Should I go there? Right now I have mouth cancer symptoms and my wife is accusing me that I got it bcoz i didnt go to church…Should i go to church again?
Rachel Norman says
Oh this is a HUGE question, Joseph, and one only you can answer! I hope you find somewhere you find at peace.
Sarah Ferguson says
You did not get mouth cancer because you did not go to church my friend God plans for you are for good and not for evil do not believe this pray to God for direction and how to serve him with peace
Tito says
Young lady from South Africa. I am very inspired by your read. Mainly because I feel something bad will happen when I don’t go to church. A Christian friend of mine reminded me that, that’s just my thinking.
By reading this in reminded that God loves me and my relationship with him is important.
Thank you!!
Rebecca says
I really appreciated reading your words this morning. I’ve been struggling severely with health issues since the first of the year, and I’m really struggling with not going to church. I even geared myself up to go this morning (broken rib and all) and went, but then I had to turn around and come back home after a little while. It’s been discouraging to say the least, and I really appreciate you sharing this!
Dave says
I would agree with almost everything in this article – in fact I didn’t go last weekend. However I would like to make a couple points about extended breaks (as opposed to missing one or two events).
I believe that on some level one should remain in contact with church friends – don’t presume that because the leadership or the church as whole has been unhelpful, God will not use individuals from within the church to aid in your recovery.
Not everyone who has missed 4 weeks of church is simply having a break, and people are not mind readers, so if you don’t want people/leaders barking up the wrong tree I suggest letting someone know that your ok and the basic reason for taking a break.
People may assume your backsliding/disaffected because it is in fact a far more common reason then just needing a break. If you have clarified the situation and they are still judging harshly then there may indeed be a bigger problem than a lack of communication. So many problems in church are connected with a lack of civil communication.
The original context of ‘never miss a service’ had to do with forming good habits. When going to church becomes a habit, allot of things get a whole lot easier/more enjoyable. In order to form a habit you need consistency + time. Now, if you have ever tried going to a gym, you may well know that missing as little as 2 or 3 workouts during those first few months can be the beginning of the end for that 6-pack hoping for.
The problem was laziness/selfishness, the suggestion was creating a habit, the warning was that it doesn’t take much to fall back into old ways, the application was to never miss a service.
I know that if I take a couple Sundays off, I generally have no trouble getting myself back to church. However if I take a 2 months off I not only find it far more tempting to take a 3rd, 4th or maybe even a 5th… or 6th; but I begin to rationalise away what I know to be in my best interest. It’s something that is and always has been a concern that leaders (and good friends) have of their people.
The problem is when this concern turns into fear and that fear turns into a need to control.
Jeremy says
Depending on the church you attend, there is no legalism (or shouldn’t be) involved. There are no attendance roles or requirements of attendance to get into heaven. But going to church isn’t about any of that. In fact, church isn’t just about instruction either. If that’s all you get from church then why not stay home and put on a podcast of Andy Stanley or watch some religious program on T.V.
Church is about fellowship and community. It’s about belonging to something greater than one’s self and lovingly walking together through life with people who truly care. It’s about connecting with God together with people who are experiencing that same connection. Then it’s about connecting with those people and walking through the good and bad times of life. If all you get from church is an hour on a Sunday, then you may be doing it wrong.
JANET says
This is definitely a timely advice. I am an official lector-commentator servant of our Parochial Church for 4 years already. During my first few years, i always feel the holy spirit touching my drained heart and i always feel refueled because of the fact that I had this chance to serve Him.
But as I stayed longer in the service group, I encounter controlling coordinators/head of our ministry. Sometimes, I miss my scheduled service to our church because I have to work on a weekend, and when I fail to attend my scheduled services I am being questioned as if i have another boss in the church.
I feel sad because I do not know what to prioritize.Either My work so I can provide the needs of my family or my church coordinator so I won’t feel like i am neglecting my responsibility as a servant of our church.
Millie Hue says
I like that you pointed out that attending a church will give you teachings that will convict and inspire you. I think I need that since I feel like I don’t have a purpose in life. This is because of the repetitive things I do every day such as the nature of my job and other things that I wish not to share.
summer says
for the past few days I have been trying to convince my mum and step-dad to let me go to church so I am using these ideas hoping to convince them
angela says
I love Jesus so much and am Catholic. I’m also a mom and when i’m sick or have to care for a newborn we are not required to attend. The Eucharist is not just a symbol for us, otherwise Jesus would have said to the other disciples who said His saying was too hard for them would have corrected them but no, instead He said unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood. Just wanted to point that out to anyone interested in the Catholic view. Your blog has helped heal me as I have a newborn after 20 years since my first child Thank you for helping us moms relearn. For example something in me wanted to nap my baby as often as possible but people say schedule playtime tummytime etc…. and I’m like , he seems too tired. God bless.
Sars says
A church member went through a divorce from her husband, leaving her with the kids. The pastor only spoke to her once- never again did he offer help/ guidance/ counselling for the matter. Told to “press on”… but I question as to whether it’s worth one to stay in a church where you’re told to do it yourself anyway?