Moms often have to swoop in to the rescue. We become jumpy and even paranoid at times. But, there are some things that we shouldn’t rescue our kids from. Here’s the top 10:
Want to raise well balanced, independent children? Want to avoid helicopter-mom syndrome? Well… allowing them to suffer some natural consequences is a good way to start.
I want to talk about giving your kids the opportunity to solve their own problems once in a while. For their sake, of course.
Don’t get me wrong… there are absolutely situations where intervention and assistance is necessary. Maybe someone will get mortally hurt, or your child is in danger. In those cases, swoop in with your sword and mama bear instincts!
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
But, we need to break the stigma of…
- fixing every problem before it happens,
- never allowing our children to get hurt,
- teaching all the lessons (instead of allowing them to learn by doing), and
- running to the rescue over every single little thing.
Here are ten things that we really shouldn’t rescue our kids from:
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreWhat's in this post...
Mistakes Attached to Valuable Lessons
Kids learn by doing. Got that… check.
Let’s take it one step further– kid’s learn critical problem solving skills by being allowed to make mistakes (in which they have to fix).
Did they read the LEGO instructions wrong? Or maybe glued the octopus tentacle on backwards?
Whatever it is, allowing them to feel failure is tough. Trust me, I get it. But…
- conquering the fear of failure and
- working for a solution are…
great life lessons for littles to learn!
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
We Shouldn’t Rescue Them from Arguments with Friends
Of course, not the kind where your kids are in danger or whatever… no, not those.
I’m talking about the little disagreements that kids get into on a daily basis. Or, even the the argument they are having with their best bud.
Let them have that experience, however painful it is.
- Listen (spy) on their conversation.
- Observe how they handled it.
- Discuss things later on when you’re alone with your kid.
Did you feel like your child handled that right? Ask them how they felt about it. Then discuss things that could have made it better.
Real learning happens this way, not from you intervening every time there’s a disagreement. Bonus: you get to see your kid improve next time!
Organic Growth
This is probably the toughest one for me, honestly.
I want to be a part of every. single. precious. moment! I don’t want them to have experiences without me or grow in something without my hands on it.
However, I can’t rescue them from growth. They have to make some steps organically. Which just means on their own without pressures from me.
- Learning a new song on the piano by themself (mistakes or no mistakes)
- Doing the gymnastic move independently and in their own time
- Reading books of their choosing
- Trying a sport (that you knew wouldn’t work)
Its soooo hard to “take your hands off the wheel” of their life. But, it’s good to do that sometimes. Sit back and watch them grow by experiencing some things on their own.
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreWe Shouldn’t Rescue Them from Their Unique Feelings
Kids are going to feel what they are going to feel.
And, no two kids are the same. You can take one family with five children (same environment and all) and get five different personalities.
Aren’t we glad for diversity! Life would be boring without it.
However, for some moms, it’s difficult to grasp that their child is feeling something different than they are.
Like…
- Why are they scared right now?
- I can’t believe Jonny doesn’t want to play with….
- I thought you would like this activity.
It can be frustrating at times for sure. However, let’s remember that kids are simply little people.
And, people have feelings that need to be validated if they are going to be healthy.
Emotions are a H U G E part of a young child’s life. These “I Am Feeling” cards will reduce tantrums, meltdowns, and help your little one learn emotional awareness.
Learn MoreImaginations that Make Messes
This is tough, typically if you like things tidy and clean.
One of my boys likes to organize his toys by color and size. The other one likes to take them apart and make messy messes everywhere.
Both are strengths in my book.
I use a basket system or my second because he just simply doesn’t enjoy tidying them up. He prefers to use his imagination to make messes.
We shouldn’t rescue our kids from this if it’s what they do for fun. Honestly, these are signs of intelligence. They will discover how the world works around them by breaking things apart.
Too Much Glue, Too Much Paint… Etc.
Creativity comes in many shapes, forms, and sizes.
First of all, I’m all for some ground rules… please. Art time would be craziness without some rules.
However, I have experienced so much joy (and seen joy on my kids faces) when I let them use too much without being reprimanded.
Let the creativity flow. It’s way more fun that way. We shouldn’t rescue them from that. In the big scheme of things, a little extra glue or paint doesn’t cost the much anyways.
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
Simple Falls, Scrapes, and Bumps
I’m envisioning here the mother who chases after her toddler with frenzied terror in her eyes. Every time he takes a step, she gasps with fear.
So, this kid is really going to struggle with self confidence… right? I’m afraid so.
First of all, there are undoubtedly times to comfort and heal. I’m not talking about these. I’m talking about allowing our children to fall so that they can learn to pick themselves back up.
Kids gain self confidence through trial and error.
- I stepped there and fell, so I’ll try somewhere else next time.
- That hurt my hand so I won’t reach for it a second time.
This is so hard for us moms. We don’t ever want to see our babies get hurt, but minor falls and scrapes are a part of growing up.
And honestly, kids will test the boundaries anyways. It’s better to let them learn those gentle lessons while they are young.
Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades.
Learn MoreForgetfulness, to Some Degree
Some lessons are better learned the hard way. Forgetting something important is one of those lessons.
It really stinks to be missing an essential item.
And let’s face it… we want them to be more independent when it comes to grabbing their stuff. It would make it a lot easier on us.
I’ve even pretended not to have grabbed their music folder or tennis shoes. Let them sweat about it – just so they would feel what it was like to lack the responsibility of remembering their essentials.
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
Making Meaningful Connections
This one is deep and even a little painful for some.
After being hurt by loss, pain, or trauma… we tend to close ourselves off. We shouldn’t rescue our kids from experiencing life because of this.
They deserve to feel deep love for a pet, even though it won’t live forever.
They need to make meaningful connections with people, places, and friends even if there’s the potential to experience pain.
Unfortunately, this is a part of life. But… the love and connection is still worth it.
Help prepare your kids for life, one skill at a time. Simple, easy skills every month!
Learn MoreWe Shouldn’t Rescue Them from Alone Time
Ahh… glorious alone time. Don’t we enjoy that?
Guess what, our kids can learn to enjoy it too. It’s possible. Promise.
When we see them doing something quietly, don’t rescue them from their solitude. Allow them to foster a love for self stabilizing through quiet play or reading.
These are important life skills that may serve them well in the future.
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
FAQs
First begin by understanding yourself – you are a good mom and of course you don’t want your kids to experience pain or difficult situations. Then, think of some ways that it would be beneficial for your kids to experience some of these situations while they are young, so that they can learn and so that you can be there to coach and comfort them through it.
It depends on what we’re talking about, but a lot of these scenarios can be applied to young kids, even toddlers. The earlier we let our kids experience the consequences of their choices and experience failure, messes, and difficult circumstances, the more resilient they’ll be.
tdchinges says
Children need to have their own space to think and solve problems independently. I don’t like to help children solve problems, but let them solve them by themselves. Of course, when encountering big problems, I can help children correct them.