• Home
  • About Rachel
  • Contact
    • Work With Me
  • My Shop
  • Start Here

A Mother Far from Home

  • Discipline
    • Toys And Play
    • Big Family
    • Family Culture
    • Diapers & Potty Training
    • Irish Twins
    • Teething
  • Emotions
  • Faith
    • Christian Holidays
    • Church Related
    • Spiritual Principles
  • Home
    • Cleaning & Chores
    • Meal Time & Eating
    • Organizing, Tidying & Decluttering
    • Emergency Preparedness For Families
  • Motherhood
    • Mental & Emotional Wholeness
    • Mother’s Helper
    • Type A
    • Books to Read
    • Pregnancy
  • Routine
    • Baby Schedules & Routines
    • Toddler Routines & Schedules
    • Mom Schedules & Routines
    • School Routines
  • Sleep
    • Sleep Troubleshooting
    • Napping Tips
    • Basic Sleep Tips
Home » Routines & Schedules » The #1 Thing That Messes Up A Good Routine (And How to Stop It)

The #1 Thing That Messes Up A Good Routine (And How to Stop It)

Updated June 9, 2020

157shares

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!

Want simple chaos-erasing family routines? Who doesn't? Check out our Family Routines Reboot!


Yes, there is one thing that will really mess up your routine. Read on to stop it in the tracks.
The #1 thing that messes up a good routine and how to stop it

I was almost hyperventilating.

It was like a panic attack.

I sat down and felt so stressed I was This Close to having an ugly cry at 1 p.m. in the afternoon.

Why?

Because I got a letter from the toll agency saying I owed them $17 in fees. Oh, and it was an error. I even had one of those beepy receiver things. I knew I wouldn’t be charged, but the fact that I had to spend 10 minutes on the phone solving a problem pushed me over the edge.

I simply did not have time in my tightly scheduled day to do it. Or if I found the time, I had to leave out something else I’d been planning on. Which would push back work the push back dinner then push back bed.

FOR A TEN MINUTE PHONE CALL.

I was over the edge, ladies. I was hypervigilant and tired and had a meltdown over a $17 clerical error. I owe it all to my too crowded routine.

The biggest thing that messes up a good routine is lack of margin. 

I’ve talked about Margin before, but this is another area the book broadly discusses. Our time and energy. When we are pushed to the limit, one small thing sets us off. Or it is – as the Italians say – the drop that overflows the bowl.

How do we have a routine that serves instead of stresses?

Create empty space

When creating a routine for your kids, don’t write it down to the minute. This is a recipe for disaster. Okay okay, maybe not a disaster. Some days your schedule will work, but often life will happen. When life happens you’ll feel thrown off kilter and get in a mood. An irritable and frustrated mood that will seep down to your kids.

Read: Rhythms, Routines & Schedules

rhythms routines and schedules 3d

Be conservative in your estimates

I am horrible at this. I estimate 20 minutes when I should do 30 or an hour when it’ll take 2. I do this to try and “fit it all in” but really I just get less done. Instead of scheduling 25 things, doing 17, then feeling unproductive, go the opposite. If you have space for 10 things, list 7, then use whatever time is left to rest. Take a power nap. Read with the kids.

Expect to be disrupted

When I was pregnant with my third I had hormonally induced anxiety. Well, that and I’d moved overseas, changed houses, had two babies, was pregnant again, and had started working from home. So… I had emotional overwhelm. When my counselor told me what my problem was, I immediately could see she was right. My issue?

I thought everything should be convenient and easy.

What a joke. I raise my eyebrows smugly to my younger self. The mere act of expecting disruptions makes them less stressful.

Think of life as a video

In my post for Type A wives married to Type B men, one of the biggest points was this: we need to see life like a video. If you take a snapshot in time you can find flaws. Issues. Dirty diapers. Messy dishes. A disastrous playroom. However, if you take a video of the day you see the highs as well. Clean diapers. Clean kitchen. Picked up playroom. Sleeping children. By focusing on “the moment” you feel behind.

Life’s a video, not a photograph. No one really has it all together.

Don’t push the limit

If you are a Confident + Take Charge or Strong + Deliberate mom then you likely aim too high and expect too much of yourself. If you are a Calm + Steady or Fun + Energetic mom, you probably expect too little. Either way, don’t push the limit of your self-control. People today are busier than they were decades ago. A lot busier. If you take a few things off your schedule – for yourself and your kids – you will still get the important things done.

The best way to avoid having a routine that strangles is to plan for upsets. 

Create space in case something comes up.

Expect the unexpected.


 

I highly recommend the book Margin for those who struggle to fight their overwhelm. I bought an old copy and read it in the shower. ;) It’s a good way to decompress and I’ve found freedom through the chapters. It exposes lies we believe and false guilt. A must read for frazzled moms. (affiliate link)

margin

I’ve created a free email series just for you! If you struggle with creating an easy flowing routine or rhythm in your home… this is it. I’ve gathered all my easiest routine hacks into one free series and, best of all, you can get a big sneak peak into our book that has over 25+ routines for babies ages 6 weeks to 5 years. This series will help you:

  • find a routine and rhythm for your child
  • learn how to juggle multiple routines (for 2 or 3+ kids)
  • know what is and isn’t working so you can make one tweak that’ll change your day

Click here to sign up for my free email series or simply click on the image below.

Routines Funnel Opt In With Free

Rachel

New to this community? Start here, friend.

157shares

Filed Under: Routines & Schedules4

« What To Do When Your Children’s Behavior Is Out Of Control
Out of the Box (and Awesome) Kid Gifts »

Recommended For You From Our Shop

Rhythms, Routines & Schedules Book

35+ Printable Routines For Babies Aged 6 Weeks to 5 Years

Want your little one to be well-rested, content, and independent? Do you want to feel peaceful, in control, and able to enjoy your days? These routines are tried-and-true, guaranteed to help your little one(s) have more peaceful days.

Show Me The Routines!

I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help.

“Inside my brain”

Geeezzz, it was like you were inside my brain today!  (and most days recently)  I needed this badly.

Thank you!!!
Andrea P.

“Nothing was working…”

I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. Nothing was working and I was starting to think he would never have a nap again.

Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! I was almost in tears I was so excited! So thank you!

Meghan

“Thanks for your bundle!”

Thanks for for doing this Everyday Mom Super Bundle sale. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy.

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Your sale is serendipitous. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

Lauren N.

“It’s a breath of fresh air”

I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air!

With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself.

My husband is in awe!

Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; it was my systems. Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. So, thank you!!!! You have made a difference for me and my family.

Ann S.

“We are slowly getting back to normal…”

I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and my home broke out in complete chaos!

Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say we are slowly getting back to normal. Thank you Rachel! 

Madison S.

“You’ve been a life saver!”

I’m a first time mom to a 15 day old baby girl. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog.

You’ve been a life saver!

Candace R.

“Within a week or two our little girl changed!”

I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all… 

I googled everything I could think about but there was never really something that felt right, that felt genuine instead of just telling do’s and don’ts. 

And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it.

IT WORKED!! 

And within a week or two our little girl changed from a frustrated baby into this happy dappy smiling ray of sunshine, that is able to settle herself down by sucking on her fists, even in the middle of the night. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. The way you wrote your experiences made it understandable, seeing it from the babys side but also the moms side. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know!

Stephanie P.

“Had tremendous success from Day One!”

I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine.  I’ve been using it for a week with my 13 month old and had tremendous success from day 2! Wind down time is so important and so is consistency.  Thank you so much!!!

Sam M.

“In a few short days…”

I am grateful to have found your blog, as I do a great deal of searching on Pinterest when I am up against a parenting moment that I do not feel qualified to handle.

I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. In the few short days that I have been exercising this method I truly have noticed a change for the better in his response to me.

Tami K.

Comments

  1. Jessie says

    Yes! I much prefer a ‘routine’ to a ‘schedule’ for this reason. It helps not to have a baby in the mix :) We do get up and go down for sleeps at the same times and eat at the same times, but otherwise, we just do things more free form. If the kids are playing well together, I’ll push back room time/tv time, if I know that library story time will get us home late for lunch, I”ll plan on a mid morning snack. I have a couple times a day that I have open for chores so I just plan on working on the bathrooms during one and accomplishing a small part of a project for the other; it creates less stress on me (but things might slide too….)

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      I am very much like this now. I used to be more “schedule” like but with adding kids and the unpredictabilities of life, I have moved towards routine and it has made it a lot easier!

      Reply
  2. Kathryn H. says

    I’m a “scheduler,” too, and my younger self didn’t understand “margin.” I thought I could do anything and everything I scheduled myself for. Allowing margin in my life helps me keep my balance. While it may seem that you could be “getting more done” if you forced it, over the long term margin makes consistency truly manageable. In my experience, it creates a healthier and more peaceful lifestyle for me.

    Reply
    • Rachel Norman says

      Kathryn, this is such an eloquent way to say it!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hey y'all, I'm Rachel Norman, BA, MS, Language of Listening® parenting coach, mother to 5 babies in 5 years on 3 continents, no multiples. Join me in parenting without losing your mind. Read More >>

Search

Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved | A Mother Far From Home | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility














15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order

In just 15 minutes a night (while you're in your pj's!) take your home from stressed out to organized with these 101+ 15 minute projects. 


envelope
envelope
close
x













Create a Rock Solid Routine...


- The #1 thing you need to focus on with routine

- How to decide when to do wake up time, nap times, bedtimes, etc. 

- How to actually *keep* the routine once you start!

envelope
envelope
close
x