Do you wonder how to motivate your choleric child? Though he or she is confident and easily takes on tasks, it can be hard to get them to do what you need (or want) them to do. These tips will help.
Related personality posts:
- Strengths of the Confident + Take Charge Mom (and her struggles)
- Strengths of the Calm + Steady Mom (and her struggles)
- Strengths of the Strong + Deliberate Mom (and her struggles)
- Strengths of the Fun + Energetic Mom (and her struggles)
There are so many reasons we want to motivate our children.
Motivate them to do chores, care for their siblings, do well in school, have a plan for the future, and to be involved in different activities.
Here are the characteristics of the choleric Confident + Take Charge child.
- quick thinking
- easily annoyed
- can’t relax
- prone to anger
- wants to be the best
- always “right”
Not every Confident + Take Charge child will fit the whole mold, but your choleric child is often bossy and in control from a young age. In fact, many firstborn children are Confident + Take Charge according to birth order. This personality will be more apparent in your child if you are the opposite type personality, if you are a Calm + Steady mom.
You may wonder why you need to motivate this type of child, they seem so motivated already! However, your confident child may get motivated about what they care about, and completely uninterested in what you need them to do. Whether it’s day to day chores or some type of service project, there are certain things you can do to help motivate your Confident + Take Charge child, even if they seem resolute.
Don’t say “do less” or “rest”
It is the temperament and nature of your Confident + Take Charge child to do and do a lot. Faster, more, and better. They are the personality type most likely to “burn the candle at both ends.” And while this is not a good thing at its extreme, telling them to “just relax” or to “rest more” will not work. In fact, it may make things worse because if there are things to be done, relaxing is impossible.
If they are older in age, they are likely to turn it around on you and say something like, “Only lazy people rest or relax.” Instead of telling them to relax, help them find a way to fit relaxation and rest in. By saying something like, “If can do this more quickly, then there’s more time to rest, and you now rest will help you perform better when you need it.”
If you need a task complete or want their homework done, set them a challenge.
“If you can do all your homework in this timeslot, you can do this.”
“Why don’t you see how neat you can fold all these clothes in a pile.” (for smaller kids)
Instead of simply asking them to do something, make it exciting and challenging for them. Instead of balking at a challenge or buckling under the pressure, they actually thrive when challenged. Don’t pit one sibling against another in comparison, but compare your child’s performance with past performances in a positive light.
“I know you can cook pasta well, remember the last time you made dinner, it was awesome!”
Help them choose the right thing, not the first thing
Confident + Take Charge children (and adults) will rush quickly into a project. While this is good and can be productive, they often spend their energy on things that are not the best. Because they don’t put much effort into research beforehand – they just make a decision and run with it – they often choose projects or tasks that are not best suited to them or that don’t matter as much in the grand scheme.
Instead of trying to stop them from action, help them go slowly at first. Help them learn to deliberate, calculate, and consider as these are not their strong suits.
Give them a reason and make it make sense
More than any other temperament, Confident + Take Charge children need a reason. They are rational, pragmatic, and prudent. They are quick to see things as “pointless” or “stupid” so giving a reason will help you get cooperation quicker than any other motivation method. This is not to say you can’t require your children to do things without a reason, you can, but continued requests given without reason will be met with extreme resistance.
Even short, simple, and clear reasons for 3 or 4-year-olds can be enough. My 4-year-old daughter will do nearly anything I ask if I give her a reason. “We need to shower so we wash away the dirt.” “We need to have alone time so we can be refreshed.” It isn’t that you must convince them, but in your authoritative voice just give them a reason.
Compliment them sincerely
Because this choleric child is already confident and self-assured, they enjoy sincere compliments. If flattery is perceived as insincere they will likely notice, as they are a quick judge. When you can praise them for an effort, do so. They will thrive and come alive under appreciation for their unique skills. When you need them to do something specific for you (or the family or school, etc.) try this approach.
Compliment on their skills + Challenge for the task at hand
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